10 Principles of NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION

1) Stop playing the game of “who’s right?” (Getting rid of this construct: Whenever we think someone is wrong, we think they need punishment.)

2) Do not use “Dialect Jackal”. (Enables us to keep judging and playing the game “who’s right?”)

3) Amtssprache or “I have to” (Instead of doing “who’s right?”, move towards acknowledging choice, make choices, and getting all needs met)

4) Don’t say “I feel as I do because of you…” (Don’t deny your responsibility; don’t get out of your power)

5) Speak “giraffe language” (details here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYkgbrZSAY0)

A) Observation: Start with an observable action—what the person did

B) Feeling: Share your feeling (you could start with Feeling then make Observation)

C) Need: Share your need

D) Request: Share your request (Connection Request: How is this for you to hear? Or an Action Request: I was wondering, can we try X? How would that be for you?)

6) Child feeding the duck (Whenever you make a request, only ask someone to do something if you think they’d have the joy a child would in feeding a duck; we don’t want to do anything out of shame or obligation but out of joy)

7) Don’t take things personally. (Never hear what a jackal person thinks or thinks about you—it’s a judgement; try to think instead of what their feeling or need is behind the statement)

8) Never put your “but” in the face of an angry person. (That creates more conflict; instead, guess their feelings and needs instead)

9) Be and Enjoy someone’s suffering. (Listen and be present; if they are sad or triggered, tell yourself, I didn’t cause this feeling and I don’t have to fix it because we’re blocking the natural energy of that person to fix themselves)

10) Giraffe appreciation (Instead of a positive judgement like you’re really smart or beautiful, which creates a hierarchy, labels someone, and creates potential confusion, be specific and share your feeling without using pseudo feelings, name the need, and maybe ask how was that for you to hear?